View Profile

The perfect first date starts with you spending an hour choosing an outfit that looks “effortless,” while secretly trying on half your wardrobe. You finally arrive — only ten minutes late, which is basically early in dating time. You meet at a “cute little café” that somehow costs half your salary for a coffee and a slice of cake. The conversation starts with awkward small talk, then slowly turns into a competition of who’s more emotionally damaged but pretending to be chill. You laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, they tell stories that make you question your life choices, and yet — somehow — you both convince yourselves this is going great. Afterward, there’s a “romantic walk” where you’re both secretly checking your phones, praying your friends will call with an emergency escape plan. The date ends with that famous question: “We should do this again sometime?” — which everyone knows means absolutely not. Ah yes, the perfect first date — messy, confusing, and just realistic enough to keep us trying again.